a 5am post

June 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

i slept early only to find myself awake since 3am. and it’s not exactly a nice feeling to be wide awake in the middle of the night as my mind will start to mess up. but i believe this is the perfect moment to reflect, put an end to all the negative emotions and start my life afresh.

it has been a tormenting year for me. i think the internship/dance production/school/eugene being away thing in the beginning of the year just pushed me off my sanity. i started to question myself a lot. if this is the life i want to lead, if i am still as confident/smart/strong as i would like to be, if i could handle long distance relationship when eugene is working in hong kong, if SMU has been the ideal university experience i would love to have (probably not but it really is a love-hate relationship with SMU), what would i really want to do for my career in the future, will my dreams ever come true, can we REALLY do what we love in life and be happy.

i also had many tearful nights this year. many fears consumed me. and i hated myself for bringing myself down. this isn’t the old daph. the old daph is always so optimistic about life, believing that she can always control the way she wants life to be. SMU taught me many life lessons (both good and bad) While the harsh reality has left me jaded, i am ready to fight back( with thanks to eugene who has been ever so encouraging). I have graduated. It is going to be a new page in my life (starting from my birthday). I am going to translate the fear into excitement and anticipation.

i am not going to cry over eugene going to hong kong anymore. i am going to look forward to the fact that i can head over to hong kong often and i will also be able to get my alone-time while he’s away. ( at least it is just a 4 hour flight)

I am not going to be troubled over my career decisions anymore. I am going to believe that the right opportunities will arise when the time comes.

I am going to work hard on building relationships with people i care, take more initiative to meet up with my dearest friends.

I am going to pursue what i love – scrapbooking, fashion, travel.

it is going to be a brand new start.

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